Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
