Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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