she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
