His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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