i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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