I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
