If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Quick, to the slutcave!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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