I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
