I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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