That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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