Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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