You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
