Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
