so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
