She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
