i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
