Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
