No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize