420 ftw
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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