Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
