I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize