When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
