member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
