I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
