she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
