im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
