new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
