my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
