woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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