She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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