he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize