She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
