Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
