I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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