Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
