I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
