Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My hand turned me down
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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