Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
