i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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