hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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