I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
