Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
