put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
