so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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