can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize