When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize