She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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