Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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