direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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