my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize