imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
