I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
