We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
