Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
