i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
