a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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