True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
