I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
