i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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