im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
