I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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