dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
