the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
