Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
