i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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