Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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