What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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